To my precious baby boy,
One day you’ll grow up and be old enough to read these posts, and I hope you’ll see how much you are loved.
Where did the time go?
How on earth did he grow up so fast?
Where did my little baby go?!
My little mandu is almost 4 and a half months old, yet it seriously feels like I just gave birth. Every fellow mom will tell you how fast they grow, but you can’t possibly comprehend just how fast until you become a mother yourself. Becoming a mom changes you in body and soul.
As I stared at my sons face tonight after putting him down, so many thoughts ran through my head. How crazy and amazing these past 4 months have been, oh how so much has changed! Motherhood has made me lose my mind, but find my soul.
When I was in my early 20’s, if you had told me I would be married at 27 and a mom at 29, I probably would have laughed at you. I always figured I would get married around my 30’s, when my career was a bit more established and a mom in my early-mid 30’s. Any time before then just seemed so young and crazy to me, back then. Even after I got married, the idea of having a child was terrifying. Having to give birth to a watermelon and all that screaming from the pain…yeah I just couldn’t fathom it all.
Now, I can see that it really doesn’t matter what you want. You can never really prepare yourself for when the best time to become a mom is. Of course you can plan and prepare financially and even a bit for your career, but the timing will never be as perfect as you want it to be. You will always say to yourself, I want to wait until I get that next promotion or have worked a bit longer, or want to save more money and own a home before i think about having children. The list will go on and on. This is by no means to say forget financial stability and your career, but more just to say that regardless of how much you prepare, one can never fully prepare themselves for motherhood. It is one of those things that can’t be explained, but experienced.
I remember when I first got married, so many of my girlfriends with kids and family would tell me how tiring being a mother is. I heard them and could empathize, but now I see that I had no idea what I was talking about. Before I was a mom, even my most tiring day could never compare to how tired I am now! Motherhood is the hardest job on earth…
These past 4 months has been like one big blur. I gave birth, never slept, cried, felt exhausted, and then BAM my baby is now 4 months old! Well maybe not exactly, but I do officially feel like I am now apart of the “Moms who never sleep club.” While I still feel that motherhood is the hardest job on earth, I also feel like it is also the most rewarding! I can see why God blessed me with my son and made me a mother.
I look at my son and his little sweet face smiling back at me and can’t imagine my life any other way. The emotion you feel as a mother is just so surreal. When your child is happy, you feel happy, when your child is sad, you feel sad. There is nothing in this world that can produce that kind of pure joy or heartache you feel, as when you’re a mother.With that joy and heartache also comes growth. You grow so much as a woman and person. Everyday I feel like I go through a billion emotions, and for that I am thankful. My son teaches me everyday what unconditional love looks like and the true meaning of being selfless. Everyday is not easy, but there is always something good in each day. As he grows, I hope to never forget that…